Confessions of a Jewelry Junkie

I’m a jewelry junkie. There. I said it! I confess that when it comes to jewelry, I’m a total taker. I lurves me my jewelry, and I proved it last Wednesday night by single-handedly enabling my jewelry consultant to trade up to a mid-sized sedan. Yes, I have a jewelry consultant of my very own. I’m so much of a jewelry junkie that my consultant has me on speed dial. We’ve discussed adding her name to my bank account. I’m in her will as the beneficiary of all her jewelry. You see, I go to parties and order jewelry from a catalog. It’s a sickness. I need my fix. If I can’t attend a jewelry party, I order it over the phone. Like pizza. I can’t help myself. I’m sick, I tell you! I’m sick! I’m also very happy with this jewelry disease that I’ve caught.

All I have to do is go to a party, try on pretty necklaces and earrings, the likes of which I would have never thought to buy for myself without that little extra “Oooo, that looks so good on you” from other ladies, who are also enjoying the approval of other women at the same time that I am. Then I fork over more money than I should, making the hostess and consultant very happy people, all the while fulfilling my need to please people and decorate my décolletage. Finally, a week later, when the jewelry arrives and I’ve gotten my fix, another invitation comes in the mail, and the cycle of jewelry junkie starts all over again. I’m hooked harder than it is to use an eternity clasp on a three strand necklace. (It’s a jewelry joke from a party. I guess you had to be there.)

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Not only have I bought a ton of jewelry for myself and my daughter, but I also bought $400 worth for family Christmas presents, and do you know how happy it made me to give jewelry? It made me very happy! It made my consultant even happier. She’s half-way to her goal of a luxury sedan, thanks to me.

But it also made me a little sad because I didn’t own some of the pieces that I gave away. Boo hoo hoo. So bittersweet to have to wrap up the jewelry joy and send it on its way. Ah, that I could have kept them all. My precious! Are you being appreciated? Are you being worn? Do you lovingly caress the neck of the woman who wears you? Or are you just sitting in a jewelry box, languishing for lack of matching outfit?

There was a jewelry party last night, but I couldn’t go. I don’t understand why people can’t plan these around my schedule. Thursday nights are out, people! But I placed my in absentia order on Wednesday night so the hostess could get some credit for it, so all I can do now is wait. Hopefully, my jewelry will not take long to get here. I ordered a fabulous rose gold and silver necklace out of the catalog that I’m dying to try on. It’s true. I’m an insatiable jewelry junkie. Feel free to send me your unwanted silver or gold lovelies. I’ll take good care of them because I can stop anytime I want. Really, I can! Bwa ah ah! Jewelry!!! Mine. All MIIIIIINE!


Ahem. The first step to getting better is admitting that there’s a problem. So, once I receive my new necklace, I should probably think about attending Jewelry Lovers Anonymous to fight this addiction. But not until I order the darling matching earrings.

 

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